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I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
