Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
