also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
