I'm so fucking centered right now
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize