i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize