my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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