Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.

Fav 34 1162 6880
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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(858): View more from California

Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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(714): View more from California

found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

Fav 5 860 1962
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(303): View more from Colorado

If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians

Fav 8 1539 785
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(651): View more from Minnesota

THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD

Fav 1 280 433
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.

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