hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FUCK WHALES
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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