College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So much Jack, so little girl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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