Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
