When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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