2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
