would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everyone says I win the strip club
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
