I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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