There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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