You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
