....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
