Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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