I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
