and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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