If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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