I want to have your abortion
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
