If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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