Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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