I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
