Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
