mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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