Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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