So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
