yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
