Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
