Buhtt sex?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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