How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
