just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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