I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
