I just threw up on my dentist
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
sex in a hospital.. check
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
