he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
