Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
