never play flip cup with pint glasses
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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