I want to make a zoo with you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
