All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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