Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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