I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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