Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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