C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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