I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
