I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
