Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
