I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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