guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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