Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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