I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
