it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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