I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
