Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
