so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
