Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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