im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
