I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
