I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
