I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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