I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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