So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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