I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
