A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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