You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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