And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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