i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize