just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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