So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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