I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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