True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
