gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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