just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
